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Archive for the ‘Just Funny’ Category

Friday, October 9th, 2009
Coked Up!

In all my preparation for last weeks Indoor Cycling Instructor Workshop, I did not post to the blog last Friday. Please accept my apology. I’m still working on this blog thing. Hey, if any of you experienced bloggers want to help me out, send me your suggestions for success.

Well, some of you may or may not know that one of the “sports” drinks of choice, particularly during a criterium, is Coke. Yes Coca Cola. We often would not start with Coke in our bottles but would grab a hand-up in the feed zone. The feed zone is an area around the race course where riders can grab extra bottles from their support crew (which is usually friends, spouses, etc). They try to place these feed zone in an area, mostly on longer straight sections, where a rider has enough time to discard empty bottles, grab a full one and stick it in the bottle cage. Feed zones can be a bit crazy with multiple riders and different teams all trying to get a “hand-up” at the same time. It is best to have the support person in the feed zone wear a team jacket or jersey so they can be easily identified.

Now keep in mind that the Coke first needs to be “de-fizzed”. You definitely do not want a carbonated beverage in your water bottle. So here we are, the night before the criterium of the Fitchburg Stage Race, reclining in the TV room. Each of us has a 2 liter bottle of Coke and is gently shaking it and slowly releasing the cap to let out of the carbonation.

Cool and TOO Refreshing

Race day. We are at the half-way point in the race and I maneuver through the pack of riders to position myself to grab my bottle from the feed zone. I discard my empty bottle by flicking it low at the ground near the feet of my support person and then successfully grab my full bottle. I was really looking forward to this drink. We place ice cubes in the bottles to keep the flat Coke chilled. It can be quite refreshing (if you like that sort of thing). With one movement, I slide that refresshing drink in the the front cage on my bike and dive into the next turn.

Once around the corner it is time! I reach down grab the bottle and prepare for that sweet taste and a good o’l energy boost. I place the nipple of the bottle between my teeth and pulled to open the top. “BAM”…”SNORT”…”COUGH”….”SNIFF”…..”BREATH”. What da! Turns out the Coke had not been fully de-fizzed. Once I popped the top, the Coke and fizz just darted down the back of my throat. I couldn’t breath for about 20 seconds. I’m amazed I didn’t crash. I had Coke all over my handlebars, dripping down my chin and jersey and coming out of my nose.

I spent the rest of the race slowly trying to de-fizz the Coke while riding. I would shake the bottle a bit and then let out some carbonation, but this time I was prepared. After a few shakes, it was safe for consumption. Furtunately, I had only lost about 1/3 of the liquid during that first explosion. Unfortunately, I was left with very stickly brake levers and hands for the last 30 laps.

Enjoy your Coke responsibly.

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Friday, September 18th, 2009
Nice Feedbag

I like to start the day with a cup of coffee. Coffee for me falls into 2 categories. There is the “sit and enjoy a rich cup of Sumatra, savoring every sip” coffee and then there is the “functional” coffee. Functional coffee is for caffeine consumption and jarring the pulse. I’m odd this way. With the former, I take my coffee black or with a little sugar and try to taste the nuances of the blend. The functional coffee I take with cream and sugar.

Now this causes problems with my friends. Some of my Dunkin Donuts friends snear at me if I’m holding a cup of Starbucks, Peets or Seatle’s Best coffee, exclaiming “how can you drink that snob roast”. My “sit and enjoy” friends are stunned when they see me with a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee and can’t understand how anyone would brew java without a French Press.

Early Morning Group Rides

A couple of the early morning rides I attend start at, or just before, 6:00am causing me to leave the house at 5:30. I don’t like to start the coffee machine that early out of consideration for my wife. If I start the coffee machine at 5AM, the brew is nasty by 6:30 when she gets up. So on early ride days, I leave a few minutes early and go to the Dunkin Donuts 2 blocks from my home for a “functional” cup of coffee (French Press friends shutter).

Now there is a method to the madness. I order a small “regala” (cream and sugar). This is key because I’m going to be riding AND drinking as I roll to the rendevous point. Dunkin Donuts uses a stiff cardboard cup with a rolled lip for their small coffees. The medium or large (…you know….grande…venti) are served in styrofoam cups. I like the small cardboard cup because of the hard rolled lip. This lip is strong enough for me to clasp between my front teeth leaving my hands free to shift or brake when necessary. Most of the time I ride one-handed, with the coffee in my other hand. However, there are times when one needs to stop at a light (although rare at 5:30am) or put both hands on the handlebars over rough, busted-up pavement.

So, one morning I roll up to the start with the cup dangling from my front teeth and one of the riders says “nice feedbag”. This was followed by an escalating discussion/argument over functional vs. French Press coffee. I down the last sip (mostly sugar) and toss the empty cup in a near-by trash can as I ride off. At least I had my first cup of coffee, unlike “some” people.

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Friday, September 4th, 2009
I Stole This Guy’s Bike!

A few weeks ago I biked downtown Boston to teach one of my indoor cycling classes. As I’m locking my bike to the rack in the parking garage under the health club, I take notice of this nice new red Trek mountain bike in the rack. I believe it was a Trek 4300 hardtail. It was secured with one of those self-coiling cable locks (or so I thought). The first think I noticed was that the wheels had quick release skewers and the owner didn’t lock both the front and back wheels. As I look further, I noticed that the cable lock was only securing the front wheel and simply wrapped around the handlebars. This just couldn’t be.

Make Sure No One is Looking…

I couln’t believe it. I simply stretched the cable lock and pulled it over the handle bars. I was then left with a dilemma. If I leave the bike and go teach my class, I will feel bad if I return and only see the front wheel remaining. If I take the bike, the owner might not appreciate my jesture. I decided on the later and left one of my business cards in the spokes of the front wheel. On the back of the card I wrote “your bike is upstairs at the health club”. I also left my cell phone number.

I then carried the bike into the club and tucked it in the staff room. I warned the people at the front desk that a panicked individual may appear asking for the bike. The front desk staff just starred at me (insert cricket background noise) so I had to explain what I did. They smiled (in a sinister fashion)and readied themselves for a possible confrontation.

As I’m teaching my indoor cycling class, one of the front desk people enters the cycling studio followed by this guy who looked lost and disoriented. The bike owner. He humbly thanked me for saving his new bike. I offered to give him a quick lesson on properly securing his bike to the rack if he gave me a call.

After class I returned to the bike rack and there way no sign of the Trek 4300 (not even the front wheel). I hopped on my bike and commended myself as I climbed the exit ramp out of the garage.

Who knew being a thief was this rewarding.

PS. If you return to find your bike missing one day, there is no guarantee I took it. Sorry.

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